As I stated in my last blog, there is much to say and even more to learn when it comes to communications. My comments today will continue to focus on the quiet side of communications. Why, because there is more going on quietly in the communications world than ever before. When was the last time you talked or actually spoke with a good friend by telephone or face-to-face. In today’s world it is simply not the “in-thing” to do. There’s Facebook, Twitter, blogging and texting. I’m certainly still growing when it comes to technology, but, there is one thing I have learned for sure . Times are changing and will continue to do so. At the end of the day, we still need to know how to communicate using a process that conveys respect, understanding of intent, purpose and sincerity.

Thoughts to Ponder
We are still ultimately responsible for what we say, no matter how we say it.

The less said, from the quiet side of communications, may not always be for the better.

Quick and instantaneous is always efficient when we use the right tools with the right skills and sense of purpose.

The golden rule for communications is “Communicate in the way that is appropriate and best connects with the receiver of our message”. Doing it “my way” may not always be the best way.

A Real Life Situation
It is interesting how situations occur when our minds are focused on specific topics. I took a break to get coffee from my favorite place during the early afternoon. The server was a very charming. and knowledgeable young woman. In my opinion, she represented the kind of individual who would be an ideal associate for this well known, respected business.

When I approached her she appeared to be having a telephone conversation. I quietly waited until she acknowledged me. She cordially said, “May I help you?” My response was “are you having a telephone conversation?” Her response “Yes, but I can do both”. I stated ‘I would like this type of coffee and a special kind of loaf.” (I don’t want to name the products; my secret company would be mentioned).

She continued to talk on the phone and then looked up and said, “You want this kind of coffee and a peanut butter cookie. I smiled and said “no”. She quickly apologized and we both acknowledged the situation. I went on to say, “You know I am working on a blog right now about communications, I think I will note this incident in a positive way”. She smiled and said “I was multi-tasking and I realize that I just can’t do everything at once. She hung up the phone and focused her attention on the moment at hand.

My reference point is this, the quiet side of our conversation indicated to me that she recognized the need to provide customer service. In addition, she wanted to please the other person on the phone, or, stay focused on whatever the issue was that was captivating her attention. She was pleasant, kind and embarrassed in that quick instant. There was something magical in the chemistry of communication that took place between the two of us. I had a learning moment and so did she. My learning moment was that there are always opportunities to mentor others. I also reminded myself that styles are different and we should not form opinions in a split second. She articulated that she had learned that multi-tasking may not always be appropriate. Somehow as I took my seat, I felt that she had learned even more. As she was cleaning the tables, she stopped by and asked about my blog and the nature of my business. We talked a bit more and then she went back to work. I really liked this young woman. She was just a joy. I observed her serving another customer, explaining the different drinks and doing it oh so professionally. If she happens to read this blog, I hope to hear from her and get her personal reaction to my comments.

The quiet side of communication is like the wind…we may not be able to see it or touch it in advance, but its vibration and the impact of its presence is always with us. It would behoove employers to recognize that there are times where advertising isn’t the answer. Rather, it is focusing on all aspects of the communications process within our respective businesses. It is also listening for the quiet unstated messages that are conveyed everyday as our associates and affiliates respond to the needs and desires of our customers. What is your benchmark? How are you measuring the quiet side of your performance?

Recently I co-facilitated a workshop for participants who have been selected for a custom designed leadership development curriculum. The title was “Communications”. Broad topic for sure, and once you get started you recognize the infinite paths presented.

My topic for this blog post is “The Quiet Side of Communications”. I’ve chosen this topic because it is the quiet side that may have the most value when it comes to connecting with others in an authentic and meaningful way.

We can be ever so eloquent but if we do not grasp the intricacies associated with the following we will “miss- the -mark” every time.

Consider these four areas:

1. Non-verbal communication
2. Listening
3. Personality Types
4. E-Mail Communications

Non-Verbal Communication
According to Dr. Paul R. Timm in Managerial Communications: A Finger on the Pulse, most researchers agree that non-verbal communications includes everything except our use of words and numbers. Dr. Timm goes on to say, and I strongly agree, that we send strong messages through the things we do, which are often more powerful than words. Consider, having a conversation while typing, using your television remote, or probably more frequently reading your email when someone is seeking assistance from you in your office. This is a sure way to disconnect from those meaningful moments that can have long range impact on both business and personal relationships. I could go on and on, but I will stop here…for now.

Listening
Listening is the highest complement and indication of respect we can bestow upon someone. One of my favorite quotes is a very simple one by Coach John Wooten. It states

“Leaders Listen”.

I reflect on it often and use it in most of my communications and leadership seminars.

I truly believe that when leaders learn to listen with authenticity (totally focused, open and unbiased); they contribute to building trusting relationships with their associates. Listening does not mean automatic agreement. It does mean respecting the other person’s point of view. Persons with authority often face challenges in this particular competency. I encourage you to get feedback from someone close to you. Ask them to rate you on a scale from one to ten, with ten being absolutely outstanding.

Personality Types
We don’t broadcast our personality types. Our behaviors and responses validate our styles and approach to connecting and communicating with others. When we don’t connect, of course, it is always the other person’s fault. Is it really? I encourage you to get in touch with who you are and how others may perceive you. There are a number of free online assessments to give you a peek into understanding the value of being in touch with yourself so that you can understand and communicate with others in the way that you desire.

E-Mail
One of the greatest technological advancements in our world today, is the ability to launch messages all over the world in a very short period of time. I trust that we all agree that e-mail is indeed, an essential tool in both our personal and professional lives. I would propose however, that like highways, e-mails need hazard signs to ensure a successful journey with minimal traffic delays or hazardous turns.

Here are a few caution signs to post near your Computer, PDA or IPOD.

1. Frustrated or Confused? Don’t hit the send button right away. Relax or wait another day.
2. Are you sending a mass mail or making a significant announcement? Get a proof-reader.
3. Is it 3:00 AM? Don’t expect a response by 8:00 AM. You may be operating 24 X 7; however it is rare that the majority of people you interact with behave the same way. Your priorities are “your” priorities.
4. Urgent? Pick up the phone and dial.
5. Practice email etiquette. A great book to read is “The Etiquette Edge-The Unspoken Rules for Success” by Beverly Langford. It is easy reading and well worth your investment.
6. PDA Click? Turn it off so that others in your presence can be turned on. It is a distraction.
7. Sharing Personal Info? Is it really necessary? Once you send it, the recipient gains control of its final destiny,

Stay tuned for my next blog on communications. As I stated earlier, there is much to share and more to learn.